Roger's Eulogy

This is the eulogy that Mark gave at Roger's funeral service 10/29/2009.

"Thanks for being here today. I know I speak for all of Roger’s family in expressing our appreciation for your presence. Although we mourn his death today, we celebrate his life.
Sunday, as Roger’s condition significantly worsened and the doctors told us that recovery was not possible, the family began to discuss this service, Katie asked about a eulogy. I don’t know if she was asking me to give it or not, but thinking that might be what she was asking, I immediately responded with “No, I can’t do it.” At the time, I didn’t think I could, but as I thought some more about it during my drive home Sunday night, I decided I needed to and wanted to. I changed my mind because I want to share with you some of the things I learned about my brother from Jessica, Lexie, Katie, and Denise and a few of his Sidney friends as we were together at the hospital this past weekend. Many things I already knew about the love that Roger had for life, his family and friends and the love they had for him, but they were reinforced as we spent a very difficult time together.
First, I must say that:
1. Roger’s hospital care at UNMC in Omaha was extraordinary. The outcome wasn’t what we wanted, but the doctors and nurses worked tirelessly and were selfless in doing everything that could be done and also in spending time with the family and explaining Roger’s worsening condition. It was very clear to me that they loved their challenging work, but more importantly, loved their patients and their families. At least 5 doctors, especially neurosurgeons Drs. Thorrell and Cheadle, several specialized critical care technicians and two nurses took care of him. The two ICU nurses, Deb and Laurie, worked long shifts, but tirelessly and compassionately in their care of Roger. They worked continuously during their shifts. The technology in an ICU is amazing, but it requires constant attention and everything must be recorded. That fact notwithstanding, everyone caring for Roger at the hospital always had time to speak with the family and gave us all the time we needed. The hospital chaplain also spent several hours with us, even returning to be with the family after midnight, early Sunday morning.
2. Roger was my little brother and I was very happy when he joined the family. I was 5 1/2, Janice was 4. One of my most treasured photos is the small colored photo you may have seen in the narthex of the church of Roger, Janice and our dad, taken I believe, on the day of Roger’s baptism, probably before church as Janice was perfect in her red dress and perfectly combed hair and I had my little tie on with the palm trees and my hair was as well combed as it ever was. Unfortunately, our mom was taking the photo so she wasn’t in the photo, but I’m sure she was as happy as the rest of the family with Roger’s arrival. Due to the differences in our ages, however, I don’t recall that we spent a lot of time playing together. I expect that I was the occasionally (frequently, maybe) obnoxious, self-important, egotistical, older brother that was too busy to deal with a younger brother. I do recall one little episode, however, very well. Some of you have heard the boxing glove story. I’ll spare you all the details, but say only that our mother, in an apparent weak moment purchased 2 pairs of boxing gloves at a rummage (garage) sale. Soon after arriving home, I convinced Roger that we should put them on, go down to the basement and give them a try. I’m guessing I was a freshman in high school at the time and Roger, probably in 2nd or 3rd grade, anyway a bit of a mismatch. The end result after one well placed punch, was a bloody nose and some serious crying. The boxing gloves were never seen again and I don’t recall Roger wanting to “play” with me again, although we probably did.
3. As adults, I regret that we went our separate ways and didn’t interact that much except for special occasion family activities or when I needed telephone repair advice. My last conversation, in fact, involved several calls to Roger about 3 weeks ago seeking advice on splicing a new phone line for a fax machine. Several calls were needed, because I wasn’t astute enough to remember even the basics of telephone wiring, although we had been through it all before a few years ago. I heard from his friends that he particularly enjoyed helping out his older brother with “all his college degrees” do a basic telephone wiring procedure. He was gracious in admitting that my color blindness might be a handicap.
Anyway, I’m happy to report that the fax machine is working today thanks to my brother Roger.
4. Roger loved his life in Sidney and he had a large number of Sidney friends that loved him. I regret to say that this summer was the only time I remember visiting Roger’s little acreage north of Sidney with the small chicken house and golf driving range in the front yard. I’m not making that up. You probably need to see it I guess. A pastime of Roger and his friends was hitting golf balls from his front yard at the neighbor’s barn (not in use I trust) across and down the road. I’m not a golfer, but I think that it took a pretty good swing to do it. And then there were the chickens that started as a birthday present from Denise and expanded by Roger into a fresh & free farm egg delivery route. That’s right, no charge, free eggs, delivered. Another example of Roger’s love for his Sidney friends.
5. Roger’s love for family and friends was also evident after his successful, but difficult recovery from prostate cancer surgery. As he was recovering, he and Denise (together, I believe) decided to purchase a motor home and do some traveling. I wondered about that as I didn’t think Roger was particularly adventurous or liked being away from home that well. I recall, in fact, when he came to our son, Daniel and Stephanie’s wedding in Sioux City in June of 2002, after the ceremony at the church, when I asked him if he was going to the reception, he replied, “No way, I’m getting out of this town before dark.” Admittedly, Sioux city is not the easiest city to navigate. When I heard about the motor home I told Linda who gave me this quizzical look and asked, “Why, he doesn’t go anywhere.” I told her that might have been true in the past, but I knew he planned to take it to Okabena for the 4th of July celebration. She wasn’t sure if that qualified as traveling or not. I admit that I wasn’t sure, either. To be fair, he did take it “up north” after the 4th of July and has been back to Minnesota with it since that time. But for Roger, it was as much traveling as he wanted as it involved spending time with family and friends and that was the most important thing in his life. That was all that mattered. We are all grateful that he had those few months of relatively good health and time to travel; travel to do what he loved most, be with his family and friends.
6. Denise, thank you for your love and care for my brother. I know that you were a big part of his life these past few years and after the prostate cancer diagnosis and surgery, and the most recent surgery, you were there for him when the rest of us, due to distance, couldn’t be there all of the time. Thank you, we love you and you will always be considered a member of our family.
7. Jessica, Lexie, and Katie; I knew you loved your dad a lot, but after this past weekend, and all the difficult time we spent together, I know now the depth of that love. Especially Sunday afternoon, as I listened to you and a friend from Sidney reminisce about the wonderful and adventurous times you had growing up and going to school in Sidney and the occasional (frequent, maybe?) episodes where your dad’s firm hand or guidance was required. I know the guidance was carefully measured and gently applied. You three and your families meant everything to your dad. You were the world to him and with your families and our mother and Denise, all that mattered. I don’t ever recall Roger talking about a new “thing” or expensive toy that he had purchased and how wonderful it was.
I will close by saying that Roger in his all too brief life of 56 years achieved what too few of us ever do, and that’s the knowledge or understanding of what’s really important in life and it’s the unconditional love of family and friends. Even as he struggled with his health during these past few months, his love of life was not diminished. My brother loved his life in Sidney, his job, his little acreage with the chickens, the Minnesota Vikings, deer hunting, fishing, and looking for morel mushrooms, but nothing was as important to him as his family and his friends.
May God grant my brother (our brother) Roger, eternal peace and always keep him in the hollow of his loving hand."

Mom (Margaret) said there were lots of stories about Roger going around after the service. If you have one of those you want to share click on the share option below and write it down. Or e-mail it to me and I will post it here for you.